Maple BF

Because we set the date to get married in maple tonight LOLOL. Though its just for the apples that can be sold, and not for anything else XD

To Jereld,

Thank you for sharing all those things with me. You had a life full of battles, and you are still battling with your inner demons. Its because of you opening up first, thats why I'm able to share some personal stuff with you as well. You know, all those things I said, can only be found in my diaries and this no man's land blog. My friends who try to probe these information from me don't even know this. 

You have a lot of charms, but that approach on how you view people can be so negative... Its so painful to be lonely, without the warmth of your family while studying in US. But despite all the struggles you face, you never fail to help others, and even to reassure me that I will find someone who will appreciate me for who I am. Sometimes even bribing me with food for me to be a better person. 

I just want to say, THANK YOU. And don't give up on life. I will try to be there with you virtually, but there's only so much I can do. Please try to go out with your friends (guys or girls doesn't matter), stay strong, and you will definitely find someone who will love and encourage you as well! 

If only you were in Singapore, I would just get together with you, because there's hardly anyone I know whom I can make such connection with. I don't think you will want anymore LDR after the 2 relationships you had, thats why I know I can't date you either.  Let's see what happens after this December, and what happens 2 years later when you are back bah. I believe in fate, and we might each have found our respective ones even before that happens :) 

You are really such a great person and a good friend! Jinjja! Don't ever feel inferior and that you are not good enough for anyone~ 

-UPDATE- FRIENDZONED, AND I AM JUST A BRO PERHAPS. But he is still nice to talk to. Super annoying. Maple marriage has not yet happened either. I can still run while I can XD

Playing with fire

Playing with fire a bit too much? But its fun though :( 

And furthermore I know they are definitely not Mr Right, confirm will get backlashed if anything happens. But all I need is just a soulmate, not someone fanciful or rich. It just so happens that my taste in guys are not the super responsible mature adults thats all. Kinda like me. 

Reasons why I miss late night convo, where we both can "pour" our hearts out.

Adulting is hard. Why cant life be simple?

 Good night world. Its nice to find guys to chat to anyway :x 

Date #3

Because why not just use the same title as my previous post about him :P

Nakhon date at Holland V, but its really just a short dinner catch-up. 

He has inferiority complex :x Because he is short HAHAHAHAHA. Ok jokes aside, but erm how else do u explain him trying to stand on the kerb while I stand on the road? And he was being lapsup since its near his house, so he wore slippers. Maybe bad choice coz shoes actually helps to add that few cm of height... 

We had been consistently texting almost everyday since the last meetup la. Confirm he has finally got over his ex and now ready to find a new one. Not that I asked him about it, but i think i am rather good at guessing. 

Can kinda tell what kinda person he is from the way he eats. You know my plate is always clean coz I like to finish what I started, but his is just not clean at all. Shows he gives up easily, lack willpower and motivation, a bit wasteful, but at least he doesn't force himself to do things he don't like. Funny part about today is how he ordered extra white rice, but realised he was damn full before the rice came hahaha. Epic. 

But he is feeling demoralised now because he lacks a purpose in life. I can't phrase it nicely in spoken words, but here goes: 

You don't actually find purpose. Purpose comes to you when you learn to enjoy what you do, when you have a long term goal on what you want to achieve. Perhaps you were not looking for purpose, but rather what makes you happy. In life, there's always some offset. You can't be happy and living a 100% meaningful life all the time. If there are no ups and downs in life, your life would be super boring. Most people never end up in what they like to do, for practicality reasons. The best alternative is to work in something manageable, then spend time to do the things you like. Look through your photos, you will find that the things you treasure most has the most pictures. 

I miss 3am conversations...

https://www.scoopwhoop.com/importance-of-3-am-conversations/#F.rfvp40ssb

NDP17

I think I am still in a state of shock over this. I.got.chosen.as.SOIC. :O

Not just any sector SOIC. But VIP SOIC :O :o :O

This just proves another of my intuition correct. When I was applying for NDP, I got the feeling that I might be selected as SOIC even before interview. I read the signs, read the patterns, and kinda guessed it might be me. Although secretly I hoped that it won't be me, since it is just gonna be Naveen and the YPC.  Lo and behold, when the results were announced on Saturday, I wasn't that shcoked to see my face on the screen. 

But I was definitely shocked that I am finally going to do the VIP sector. Thats the sector which I know the least about. The sector which I have always considered as "atas" since its the only air-conditioned area. Hardly anyone I know had been a VIP sector volunteer before. Furthermore, its the only(?) sector without a YPC in charge. :O

What with the sudden change in the groupings after lunch, made me feel so sad that I am leaving the hyper group (hey that morning has bonded us well; everyone was so outspoken!). And put us in a group, plenty of new faces, which we later found out were all first timers. My new group is full of interesting people. I really do look forward to see what kinda sparks can be created. 

With greater power comes greater responsibilities... I'm so worried about myself. How am I going to pull through all these commitments?! It has always been work, studies, and then now its quadruple the workload for NDP. I really wonder how can I survive this. Naveen has forewarned me that being an SOIC would be plenty of time burned. Late nights, early mornings, extra meetings, many planning to do... sigh. 

Even though the whirldwind hasn't started, but I need to prepare myself to embrace all these things which are coming at me head-on. Advance thank yous to Naveen, Jessica, and Mui Teng. I know 3 of you would be super duper important on deployment days and SOIC meetings. There will be even more people whom I would need to thank when the whole thing is over, but for now these people have already offered me the help. Especially going to thank Naveen, because he offered to tank all the meetings and planning, since I need to work and everything... :') 

Lets all be strong, join forces and get through this! =(^.^)=

Date #2

2 years since we met, he hasn't changed and I haven't changed either. But really thanks him a lot for asking me out. I kinda guess this would be the last ever meeting between both of us. Highly doubt things will work out. 

Its a short day meetup today at Caldecott Broadcast Centre for Singapore Heritage Fest, and the events and lineup were ragher boring. Moreover I didn't have that much to talk to him about... its school work and back to school topics. 

Although the day was far from being perfect, but I am glad I got to meet him. I know that I am completely over him, and he is too. I'm so sorry for being a burden, eating at my insanely slow speed, and maybe even missing out on social cues that he desperately wanted to leave. Eye contact was good at the start but started to falter further and further away, especially when we had reasons notnto look at each other when we were walking. 

Thanks for giving me the closure I needed. I don't think we will meet tmr for the movie, and we might not even see each other for a long time. No pictures today; I guess we don't really like each other that much. 

Thanks for being the first ever guy to ask me out on a date (anything that is not in a group constitutes as a date). I know we are both single and super available, but that spark is just not there and the interest is not there either. I will hang on to these memories for as long as I can remember~ :')

*inserts Deep in thought emoji*

So what made me write this post... Because i need to write some gossip!! Ohwell not like anyone sees this so i'm safe here hehe. 

It all started off with this message from lijing...

And THAT totally set me thinking. Who is next?

The possibe list of guys start flashing in mind, probably someone whom I have known for many years, and maybe its the someone who once told me that he liked lijing... Of course my radar picked up and I tried to probe further about who it was, and whether I know him. And of course she shunned it by saying which of her crushes did I ever knew on a personal level. 

Then came this message. 

Now who will bring his future gf to hang out with "US". "US" meaning the clique, and this is part of the group convo, so I am most likely belonging in the "US" as well. And that "future gf" in question might be part of that clique all along. 

Last clue would be this message:

Guess who is the crush? 

Tadahhhh I'm guessing its KK!~ 

And I am the possible candidate (a very not intimidating one) of being the "love rival"! But in fact I am all for shipping KK and lijing, since I kinda feel they have been 暧昧 for yearsssss, with none of them ever facing the courage to tell it to each other. Like a tom and jerry kind of chasing each orher around a bush. 

I really don't have anything to do with KK. He is just a good friend whose life is rather interconnected with me. Back in the poly years, he was just the "boyfriend" of another close poly friend (lasted less than 6 months Shhhhh). I think it was through MSN or something, that he confessed he liked lijing? Or was it something along the lines that he liked girls who are petite, rather vocal etc? Coz the ex and lijing are plenty much similar. Even just with their names. Hehehe

Of course lijing is not going to divulge any further. I have always had this nagging thought everytime when I talk to KK, to ask him whether he still likes lijing. But I never messaged him beyond our gatherings, and never had a chance to personally ask him that face to face, since we were always in a clique. 

During one of the gatherings, Erica forced him to divulge about his love interests. There was this korean girl, exchange school mate, etc. But what really is memorable for me, is the 3rd or 4th person whom he avoided mentioning, sounded like lijing's traits. Now that I think of it, that gathering happened early in the year (before CNY), which possibly meant Erica might already know of lijing's feelings of him, and were just testing water. [oh and I really hate Erica's and lijing's push pull dating methods. Too much of testing whether the guy likes you, and so little 感情 and 冲动 in it. 苦了自己，苦了大家]

At this rate they are going, will KK ever get lijing? None of them are going to take the first move. Do you think if I should open up the topic and force it upon them? I am on KK's side on this. Definitely will respect his decision.

 But if it had been forced upon, they will never be happy and the friendship will be broken. Which means it is a really tough choice... 

Back to the starting point. It's best to follow with the flow of nature and fate. Let's just see how it goes, and wish them the best of luck in whatever the decision!~