AA - Attract Attention

I finally remembered what AA stands for! I used this a lot in sec sch, especially for describing my juniors keke. I think it was an acronym created by yours truly. Unless there's anyone else out there who wants to claim copyrights, but provided u created it first though LOL. 

Well then, this post shall be about how AA i am. Without even me realising it. Sorry if i seemed like a snob T_T I don't even know why i do it and i don't even realise i do it...

I get chided a lot by my dad for showing off. But grades are the only thing about me that is show-offable. I think i'm not good at anything else other than studying, and putting 100% effort and perfectionism into certain things i do. And studies is one of them. And besides, i only show off a lot in front of my parents in hope that they can feel proud of me... I guess some efforts go unappreciated huh. 

If i seem proud in any other ways, please just tell it straight to my face. I swear i will reflect and change. I need to have things brought to my attention or else i will never know about it. I am sorry for all the wrong things i have done.（ ｉ _ ｉ ） 

And then when i get too humble i get picked on by KK again. Tell me where's the balance in life? Le sigh. But i guess being humble is still better right? Now i'm going to shut up and not talk forever. 

I have this inferiority complex. Which binds me a little too much. It stops me from doing so many things, because i don't feel like i deserve better sometimes. That inferiority complex perhaps attributes to my want to show off a little. At least it gives me the comfort that i am never the worse. 

I guess there's always a reason behind everything. There's always a reason behind what people do or not do. Hardly ever can you see what's behind the scenes, so don't ever be too quick to judge. 

I haven't exactly found out my reasons behind many of my actions. I'm still looking for that 1 miracle where it can change my actions, thoughts and behaviors. But to achieve that one miracle, i will need to continuously and actively search for it, and the process of doing so will be life-changing. Yet i am still hesitating and not doing anything towards it, other than wishful thinking and overactive imaginations, because i fear leaving my comfort zone. 

Isn't the aim of life to be happy and contented always? I know that i can be even more happy and even more contented than i am now, as long as that one miracle happens. But it's not anytime soon. I doubt it's even achievable this year ㅋㅋㅋ