My Bane

Regardless of how well I keep my guard, how high my defences are stacked, and how hard I try to avoid them, my biggest bane is that I am too easily bought over by glib tongues and easily trusting of them. 

Especially when it comes to guys 0.o

I guess this reflects my desparate desires. For finances and friendships, I manage to avoid glib salesmen/friends very well. But if it comes to relationships, I just can't. As long as I am remotely even able to communicate with a person, then I will just go all out and end up kinda falling for them. 

-Which is why I end up falling for people I meet online and hardly for those I meet IRL-

-Everyone I liked are formed through lengthy (and late night) whatsapp/msn convos- 

Even when things do not work out all the time. And its actually the guy who wants to achieve some other motive other than actually being in a long term relationship with me. 

Am I even wanted by any of them? But then again there's no harm trying too? A relationship is formed only when both parties have something to take away from it at he end of the day. Am I even able to give anything? Is he able to give me that TLC and spend time with me? 

I swear this is harder than any exams out there -rolls eyes-

Self reminder: DO NOT let any guys cheat you to bed or play with your heart (＞人＜;)

Naggy

Parents nagging at me again 0.o

Over finding a boyfriend. HAHAHAHAHA. 

Ohwell I have a secret life y'know. Not like i'm not talking to any guys. -cough- 

If i get hitched then ITS GONNA BE A HUGE SURPRISE HOHO. 

I have that "I am not in love" face. But maybe secretly I am~ #justsayin

 I am a wood, expressionless with only joy. I don't confide in anyone so noone will ever know. This blog is still my best confidant. Anything else I will just consult myself because I don't need others to judge me and force upon their opinions on me. (I am not erica) #lifedecisions wont be that rash coz I am a rather rational person anyways. 

Now my aim is just to get a bf LOL.

September

Its not September now, but just some heartwarming summaries of what happened in September (:

Theres 3 friends who got attached in September... juwei, lijing and bern. JIANG SWEET HAHAHAHA. But erm lijing is expected, bern i know it will happen eventually, but JUWEI that is the shocking part. 

-coughs- Tinder/CMB is doing good work! (Idk if Bern's is from dating app la)

As for me... September was when i downloaded CMB and used it. Its still not working for me so far XD 

Coz some of the guys are a bit too scary, too off the bat, or something... and I only open the app like once in a day. Not a trustworthy app (because i'm scared of humans), but ok la there is 1 guy who I am still talking to as a friend la. He's abit crazy but coz we have similar interests and upbringing so its still fine. 

AND biggest takeaway of September for me might still be Jereld HAHAHA. But this guy is very hard to read, very emotional, very different from me... Ohwell lets just wait till December :) I hope we are still talking by then. -HUGS- for Jereld. Because I always have the feeling to make him less angst and emotional, but also knowing I cant do anything much because he prefers to be alone but not that alone (conflicting much), shrinks away when its too overwhelming. This is one person who needs a lot of patience, independence, pacifying. He is insecure, depressed, overachiever, perfectionist, but damn good with his words. Will I be able to break that barrier down? Or will I end up making him in a worser state than he currently is? I really dont know anymore...  

WHYYYY did i fall for him in September...

Lucky charm

I HAVE CONCLUDED: 

I BRING LUCK TO OTHERS AND NOT MUCH TO MYSELF. 

-maple reference-

Kthxbye

Me (demoralizing post ahead)

This post is going to be about all my bad points. Feeling insecure and unwanted now. That feeling that you are just the backup, that safety net thats usually not used. 

Ugly

Too tanned

Fat

Lazy

Unmotivated

Procrastinator

Self centred

Distant

Never a giver

Dreamer

Uncaring

Sarcastic

Quiet (introvert)

Unkempt

Loud

Sadistic (at times)

Ignorant

Blabbermouth

Unfeeling

Selfish

Bochup

I will never be someone's exclusive; anyone's one and only. I'll just go and build a great wall around me and not let anyone in... even though i love having people around, but I hardly manage to go beyond acquaintances with most people. I thrive on my friends who pull me out of the wall. But sometimes I wonder if they gave up in the end. I will always be that closed off unmarked territory. 

Feeling lousy with 2 hours of sleep, and work is not helping either 0.o 

"The hardest people to love, need it the most"

-nods head-

Let me try to give my outpouring love, positivity, care and concern to everyone else who needs it the most <3

Be it through small gestures, kind words, or a gentle question, let's all make this world a happier, stress-free place to live in~

-Full of positivity-

-Even CMB dates are surprised-

-sorry not sorry-