Friendships, moving backwards

I have a lot of friends; but time and time again I push them all away. Its just that I don't prioritise them first. Somehow I live for the memories, but I neglect the people in these memories. 

I never initiated anything, and if I do its actually for my own selfish reasons because I don't wanna be alone. One day retribution will definitely come when I can no longer find anyone around me... 

I need to stop being so self-centred. My friends all have a life and they do not revolve around me. I need to stop being so afraid of commitment. I can bury myself into work, but I can't manage to do the same for my friends. 

Both work and friendship requires time to nurture and maintain. But it just seems I can only manage with just 1 of the 2. Family is somewhat different because all I need to do is just be present. When it comes to friends, attendance is not enough. So much more thought and communication is needed. Appreciation is required as well, and I am a wooden block when it comes to this. 

Sudden realisation that I am in HK and I have no friends to buy anything for. Until my sis reminded me that I need to buy for Rachelle then i realised that I am very bad that I didn't get anything for anyone. I was like "I have no friends, only a bunch of forever hungry colleagues that I definitely need to bribe". And that's it. Another selfish motive. 

Now is it too late to turn back to get more goodies for my friends who I never know when I will meet... Sigh. Its really hard to manage time :( 

为何

为什么你又出现在我人生之中…… 去年我开始喜欢你，但我过后放下了。可是你最近又突然间开始和我聊天，这次我该怎么办！ 

明知道 我这头脑，最善长的就是胡思乱想，你又在接近我考试的时候出现… 好啦 这下子我就不能专心啦 (¬_¬)

整天又只是想着恋爱，什么别的都忽略了吧。哎… 

也许我应该改行去写作，把我脑海中的那些超不可能的爱情故事写出来。那可能我就不会一直放空。全都是我想和爱人做的事 （我说是很单纯的拥抱之类的）。哈哈。

这样吗，我以后的男朋友不是有的忙了？因为他得满足我这快25年 累计下的要求… （爆笑）

Work rants

 I don't rant about work usually, but I guess I am feeling really stressed out nowadays. There's so much to do but so little time. And i am not a fast worker, so i have no idea how I can pull this through... 

Chances are, i will default. Its not easy to need to study and work at the same time okay... whats more when there is this new BPO client. Which none of the 5 of us want to do since there are soooo much manual processing involved. Sighpie. I knew that work isn't going too well but i never expected it to get this bad. 

If only going on leave would mean that I am totally out and away from the shit that happens. I want to run away. Away from responsibilities, away from civilisation, away from all the stressful things. And just be a couch potato. 

Future seems bleak. The only highlight in my life is the upcoming holiday to Hong Kong, then it will be a non-stop marathon until at least April... 

***

It's the season of joy, fun, laughter and love now. Me jelly of everyone's love life. Brcause media brainwashed me and there seems to be too many celebrity couples. And when I see more celeb couples (ok drama couples are also damn sweet), I yearn for someone to be beside me too. Where thou art soulmate?

Celebrities are my basis of comparison now since i don't have that many attached friends. HAHAHAHA. I swear if one day all my single friends ask along all their single friends for some party, there will at least be one person who will walk away attached HAHA. Its called combining and expanding a pool of resources. But it is a good idea I think. Feels like back in the old days where everyone meets each other through friend of a friend. Mutual friends seems like the way to go. I have no faith in Tinder either, since I don't have the face to begin with. 

Ok back to being random, I wanna watch Infinity Challenge. HAHAHAHAHA. That is the only most achievable thing. 

Unachievable things: 

- finishing my work backlog

- in fact any form of work

- studying for BG

- get a boyfriend

WOW at the list. I'm sure it can go on forever.

SIGHHHHHHHHHHH 

To express what I feel with my life:

┻━┻︵╰(‵□′)╯︵┻━┻

Not just looks on the surface

When everyone says that this so and so person is handsome or pretty, I will be quite skeptical and be like ermmm ok la. Meaning, to me, he just doesn't interest me at all. Maybe thats why I will always choose dramas for the plot and less for the actors. But then again I hardly watch dramas. Other than whatever appears on tv. Somehow it just doesn't have the same effect on me. 

For me, I will only think that a person is handsome because of their talents. I am a sucker for talents. Anyone who knows more than what they specialise in, I will be like (☆_☆) Say Kim Soo Hyun, he is super goodlooking because in dream high he can act AND sing. And his voice is so awesome thats why. And after that I didn't watch his dramas because there's no more singing involved HAHA. 

As for Block B, its because Zico not only raps, but he can sing, compose, write music, be a leader of Block B, do variety shows... Totally all sorts of daebak things. A perfect idol ❤️ Plus, he is super daring in experimenting and exploring new styles :) 

U-kwon... I fell in love with his voice. He is known to be a dancer for Block B, but his voice is just perfect. He is good with his facial expressions which really adds colour to his song/dance. And most importantly, that eye smile *faints* 

For taiwanese bands, I love their singing more than their looks. Its all for the songs and their voices. 

 I guess my brain is just wired really differently. Or my tastes are not so strong hmm...

I wonder what happens if I am drunk

Because being drunk will make people do stupid things, so i wonder what sorts of stupid things will i do. I haven't ever been drunk, and neither do I wanna get drunk, but just being curious about what I will be like. 

For those usually hyperactive people, being drunk seems to make them drowsy and not hyperactive anymore. Quiet people will generally become more noisy. 

Since I am kinda in between I wonder what will happen. I think I will be asking all sorts of insensitive feeling questions like whether they still like who and who. Maybe its just me who kaypo

Think too much

Issit I am over-excited about what is yet to be? Damnz. No good. I have go control myself D: 

But its fun to talk to them guys teehee. Pokemon go bonds people ok! And snapchat does too. Or issit snorlax makes them jelly hmmmm. 

Gamer blood in me. More than any drama blood. Reasons why I can stick to a game even when everyone is quitting. Why can't I persevere as much for my work. After all work is what is feeding me right. 

Oh well if there are pokemon go dates, I will gladly go sia! Need a boyfriend. And need to game while I am at it. Nerdy max. :S

Lets see if any dates come true with my busy schedules and all~ 

On a side note: 4 days to Japan!!!! #excitez

Mud's last day

Today (assuming it is still 31 August since I am still awake) is Ahmad's last day with BCO... Quite sad that he's leaving. Although its for a mandatory thing since he is going to serve the country. 

Though the deliverables which he does are not exactly perfect, but he really has a super good heart and very easy-going with everyone in the team. Forever helping me with whatever I ask him to do because I hate keying in things. And always chatting with me, causing me to have no time to finish my work (oops). Yes I should totally cut down on my IM usage. 

Oh well Ahmad has been like my best intern friend since I tell him all sorts of gossip and nonsense. Like really can talk to him nonstop and disturb him a lot. But then again, Charmaine is also just as daebak. 

And today after giving him his present, he was so touched that he almost cried. So sweet sia. And its a longchamp bag. And when AAS saw the paper bag, their reactions were all like WAHHHH IS THAT REAL. And this Ahmad have to go and spoil the moment by sneaking off to the fridge to get the Royce chocolates he bought. Wanted to see him cry sia. 

And pokemon hunting is fun as usual. HAHA. 

"Never hunt alone; pokemon hunting is always better with someone around" - Annonymous (aka me)