Self esteem

So kuam told me about xuanny's character. Like how she was unwilling to go henderson wave with jos coz she is lazy. And how she is not willing to sing in front of Jos. But a good relationship should be about fun and putting down all qualms isn't it? 

I was once like that. I minded about what others thought of me. Not as extreme, but I had all those screwed perceptions that I should always upkeep a good image. To not show others my weaker side. Perhaps it might be the after-effect of being bullied. You start being very conscious of others, trying not to do things which will invite people to bully you. And behind that seemingly strong front is a person with low self-esteem, who really takes it to heart what others think. 

I remember when I was in P4, my friends told me off for singing the national anthem too loudly, and that my singing was horrible. Thereafter I didn't dare to sing the anthem and only mouthing the lyrics. Only until many months later, then I started to whisper the lyrics instead. 

I was bullied, but it wasn't the worse bully case in my primary school. I know of my primary school friends who got called really nasty names, and was truly discriminated by the whole class and even the teacher. They didn't dare to tell their parents. When I was in P2, the bullies scribbled on my homework. I told my parents a few days later and they wrote a letter to my form teacher. Those bullies got reprimanded by my teacher and then by my principal. They came crying and begging for my forgiveness during recess time, and the blurr me did not even know what forgive meant. 

Imagine if I did not have such supportive parents. Perhaps I would be bullied forever, keeping quiet and letting the hurt accumulate. Maybe I will be even more restrained and shy, to the extent of being anti-social. But I learnt how not to get bullied; it's actually really simple. Just ignore, be non-chalant about it, and then the teasing will stop eventually. It always works. Perhaps too effectively that I never get teased that badly and maybe because I look too fierce and it's not fun anymore. 

I think many girls lack self-esteem a lot. I don't understand why they like to compare looks and bodies. I am pretty happy with mine. Can be improved, not the worst, but definitely not the best. I don't really care. If I cared that much I wouldn't still be sitting here HAHA. 

Confidence in yourself is actually important. A confident man always looks better, wiser, more attractive, regardless of the age. Perhaps that explains why some guys never get their girls; all because of the lack of confidence. Likewise, applies to girls I guess. 

Comparison kills self-esteem. When you start comparing, you get stuck in the rat race to outdo others. The real achievement should be when you outdo yourself, enjoying that process and learning from your experiences. 

People should never start dating just because all the friends are doing it. Never ever try to follow the crowd. Don't date for the sake of just wanting to fall in love; date with the outcome you desire in mind, the future which has 2. I don't know the details, but it sounds like xuanny is just dating jos for the sake of wanting to be in a relationship. That's why she never wants to face the music, face the problems and acknowledge their differences. Much less say working together to mitigate the differences, she just shoved everything under the rug and pretend all is fine. One day during spring cleaning you will find all sorts of nonsense under that rug, which is going to make you really ill and really painful, like a tumour. And you never know when the tumour will just explode and boom its not going to be a happy ending. 

A true couple shouldn't be so mindful about what each other thinks. Enjoying the process is important, thats why having fun is too. Doing things together and being crazy together. By showing your ugly side and if the partner does not attempt to run away, then he really is to stay. Thats why in the marriage vow, "for sickness and in good health", it is especially mentioned. Through thick and thin, long and short, your ideal partner should take responsibility and be with you. 

And that's why I do encourage Jos and Xuanny to break. Xuanny needs to reflect on herself. She needs to learn how to love herself, how to be confident of herself, before she can try to love others. Otherwise, she would just be suffocating her partner because she does not know what she really wants. And that again leads fo another unhappy relationship. 

As for jos, he had been so deprived, and having experienced hell, he is clear about what he wants. But the guts training area really needs to be improved coz he is too scared of the tantrums that she may throw if he suggests the break. (Yes this is where sweeping everything under the rug will come in). 

It is not impossible for xuanny to change. She needs close friends and family to pull her through this, to encourage her and help her increase her self-esteem. She needs to know that it is alright for her to do things, and that noone will judge her. But now, who can do it? The wall which she built up around her is hard to break. 

I am thankful to my friends and my family who pulled me out of the sub-consciousness of being afraid of what others think. My sister the trendsetter, openly being in a relationship with everyone's blessing, makes me realise that my parents are perhaps not that strict. My friends for opening me up way more than all my family did. I had a hell lot of restrictions which I imposed on myself in secondary school. Each and every friend in my various stages of life, slowly but surely chipped off that wall. Now I dare to voice my thoughts and my feelings. I dare to let people judge me. I dare to discuss about relationships. Thanks friends. <3 

Positiveness

http://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/20-reasons-why-some-people-are-always-happy.html?dgs=1

This article about how to be happy is going around in facebook. And yes be very surprised that I actually do most of the things stated in this article. So I am a happy person! 

Or at least happy and very much positive enough to spread it to my friends. I pretty much don't have many worries. I take my time to do everything and anything. I enjoy all the little things in life. I balance both friends and family, spending lots of time with everyone. I don't join in the rat race chasing after money, fame and status. I do take care of myself, knowing what I should eat or should avoid. 

So anywhere I go, I know I have myself to depend on. Knowing that I will not fail to take care of myself, I can now spend time taking of my heartbroken friends. HAHAHAHA. 

But I really don't know what's in me that i love to listen to stories so much. The more interesting dramas, the more fascinated I get by human nature. I really love to analyse all those thought processes behind each action. Especially those dramas which Kuam tells me. Almost every single day there is not a moment of peace. There are always interesting snippets of dramas of all the Elites people. Which is super damn funny I swear. Best. Entertainment. Ever. 

Rachelle told me she really needs to hang out with me more. Coz she needs some of my positive energy. But I am really super worried for her coz of her problems with Chris. Haishhh. She is so emo now but she does not want to show it in front of her family. And she is not telling me everything either. Sighhh. I'll see how. Need time to make her open up  :) 

Hi Kuam you are now happily paktor-ing, even though your relationship is just as wrought with lots of troubles. And well you are not my top priority of concern for now HAHAAHAHA. Coz I know you are handling it well now. I am just the listening ear offering extra advice. Until the day when more conflict and all the nonsense starts arising between u both, then tell me okies. AHAHA. 

Fishing is a lifelong lesson

Note to self, how to love: http://elitedaily.com/dating/12-ingredients-to-make-a-strong-impassioned-long-lasting-relationship/957820/

Not that I am in a relationship, or anywhere near being in a relationship. But really seeing those elites love stories, makes me swear I should never ever get myself stuck in that kind of predicament. 

I am going to learn how to cast nets and fish soon. But sometimes after I cast the net and then I get too lazy to reel them in. And then most of the fishes would have found their way out of the net. By the time i reel in the net, I would be left with nothing. For now I am still randomly practicing to cast the nets, at places so deserted that no fishes will swim in. I know that the bait isn't the best bait, so I am waiting for that 1 fish who is willing enough to pity me and grab the bait. HAHAHA. Like a bit sad, but what to do... 

(Yes this shall be left as a half abandoned post) 

How to tell whether a couple will last

Scrolling through facebook, how to tell whether a couple will last depends on how similar they look alike each other. HAHAHAHA. And with social media, those who tends to post like everyday all the time about their couple only, those cannot last. Because social media is a sham, people are just putting up what they think others want to see. Behind that 1 photo where a couple looks close might lie lack of trust, quarrels and fights, infidelity, overpossessiveness etc. 

And perhaps when you do not look alike your couple then you should rethink your decision of staying together HAHA. A relationship can never be maintained through electronic communication. It is of utmost important that an offline relationship be maintained to the best of all efforts. And social media actually destroys lives and relationships. It is because of the easy accessibility to electronic communication which makes it easy to stalk your friends and foes. That somehow results in the wearing thin of mutual trust and respect, which is the bane of all relationships. 

Infatuation only lasts for that super short period of time. Anything beyond infatuation then is the start of the real relationship. That real relationship will be fraught with troubles, fights and all sorts of tribulations. It will all depend on whether both people can overcome it all together; that is the deciding factor whether it will be a make or break relationship. 

Everyone has their own set of insecurities. Scared of losing your loved one, scared of being judged, scared of facing the world for who you actually are, scared of plunging into the unknown depths for fear that you will never be able to float again. Fear: the reason why one will not dare to take the step forward or backward. But once that fear has been overcomed and the past put behind you, you will realise that the fear you once had was really unwarranted for. But of course being totally fearless is not the way to go either. One needs to have that fear to know the difference between black and white, right or wrong. 

I would lament that being a third party and breaking someone's relationship is not an act of fearless. It's an act of selfishness. Wanting the person for your own, thinking only about your own feelings... That's not being fearless. Yes you had chased your dreams, you were not afraid of the rejection come what may be. But admit it, you involuntarily hurt the innocent people, just by being a third party. You deprived the person you like of the person he once cared for. You thought only of your own feelings, instigating the actual couple to break up, using their fights and differences as the reason. But all in all, the third party had been the mastermind. If the third party did not exist, will the actual couple have so many things to fight over? Will the actual couple have so many unresolved differences, which got even worse with the onslaught of the third party? And to the very person who brought the third party into the picture; if you had cared for your actual couple a little more. If you had paid more attention to your couple. If you had stopped your couple's extremities from having the chance to form. If you hadn't kept wanting to leave the relationship, then everything wouldn't have happened in the first place. 

Too little too late. But it is never too late to make the correct decision. I guess something still can be salvaged. Somehow. Unless you are really 100% convinced that a breakup is the best for the couple, then do it. If it really makes the couple happier without each other, do it. But otherwise, please do rethink the decision. All sorts of relationships need some form of maintenance. Effort and heart is really all you need. :')