I miss 3am conversations...

https://www.scoopwhoop.com/importance-of-3-am-conversations/#F.rfvp40ssb

NDP17

I think I am still in a state of shock over this. I.got.chosen.as.SOIC. :O

Not just any sector SOIC. But VIP SOIC :O :o :O

This just proves another of my intuition correct. When I was applying for NDP, I got the feeling that I might be selected as SOIC even before interview. I read the signs, read the patterns, and kinda guessed it might be me. Although secretly I hoped that it won't be me, since it is just gonna be Naveen and the YPC.  Lo and behold, when the results were announced on Saturday, I wasn't that shcoked to see my face on the screen. 

But I was definitely shocked that I am finally going to do the VIP sector. Thats the sector which I know the least about. The sector which I have always considered as "atas" since its the only air-conditioned area. Hardly anyone I know had been a VIP sector volunteer before. Furthermore, its the only(?) sector without a YPC in charge. :O

What with the sudden change in the groupings after lunch, made me feel so sad that I am leaving the hyper group (hey that morning has bonded us well; everyone was so outspoken!). And put us in a group, plenty of new faces, which we later found out were all first timers. My new group is full of interesting people. I really do look forward to see what kinda sparks can be created. 

With greater power comes greater responsibilities... I'm so worried about myself. How am I going to pull through all these commitments?! It has always been work, studies, and then now its quadruple the workload for NDP. I really wonder how can I survive this. Naveen has forewarned me that being an SOIC would be plenty of time burned. Late nights, early mornings, extra meetings, many planning to do... sigh. 

Even though the whirldwind hasn't started, but I need to prepare myself to embrace all these things which are coming at me head-on. Advance thank yous to Naveen, Jessica, and Mui Teng. I know 3 of you would be super duper important on deployment days and SOIC meetings. There will be even more people whom I would need to thank when the whole thing is over, but for now these people have already offered me the help. Especially going to thank Naveen, because he offered to tank all the meetings and planning, since I need to work and everything... :') 

Lets all be strong, join forces and get through this! =(^.^)=

Date #2

2 years since we met, he hasn't changed and I haven't changed either. But really thanks him a lot for asking me out. I kinda guess this would be the last ever meeting between both of us. Highly doubt things will work out. 

Its a short day meetup today at Caldecott Broadcast Centre for Singapore Heritage Fest, and the events and lineup were ragher boring. Moreover I didn't have that much to talk to him about... its school work and back to school topics. 

Although the day was far from being perfect, but I am glad I got to meet him. I know that I am completely over him, and he is too. I'm so sorry for being a burden, eating at my insanely slow speed, and maybe even missing out on social cues that he desperately wanted to leave. Eye contact was good at the start but started to falter further and further away, especially when we had reasons notnto look at each other when we were walking. 

Thanks for giving me the closure I needed. I don't think we will meet tmr for the movie, and we might not even see each other for a long time. No pictures today; I guess we don't really like each other that much. 

Thanks for being the first ever guy to ask me out on a date (anything that is not in a group constitutes as a date). I know we are both single and super available, but that spark is just not there and the interest is not there either. I will hang on to these memories for as long as I can remember~ :')

*inserts Deep in thought emoji*

So what made me write this post... Because i need to write some gossip!! Ohwell not like anyone sees this so i'm safe here hehe. 

It all started off with this message from lijing...

And THAT totally set me thinking. Who is next?

The possibe list of guys start flashing in mind, probably someone whom I have known for many years, and maybe its the someone who once told me that he liked lijing... Of course my radar picked up and I tried to probe further about who it was, and whether I know him. And of course she shunned it by saying which of her crushes did I ever knew on a personal level. 

Then came this message. 

Now who will bring his future gf to hang out with "US". "US" meaning the clique, and this is part of the group convo, so I am most likely belonging in the "US" as well. And that "future gf" in question might be part of that clique all along. 

Last clue would be this message:

Guess who is the crush? 

Tadahhhh I'm guessing its KK!~ 

And I am the possible candidate (a very not intimidating one) of being the "love rival"! But in fact I am all for shipping KK and lijing, since I kinda feel they have been 暧昧 for yearsssss, with none of them ever facing the courage to tell it to each other. Like a tom and jerry kind of chasing each orher around a bush. 

I really don't have anything to do with KK. He is just a good friend whose life is rather interconnected with me. Back in the poly years, he was just the "boyfriend" of another close poly friend (lasted less than 6 months Shhhhh). I think it was through MSN or something, that he confessed he liked lijing? Or was it something along the lines that he liked girls who are petite, rather vocal etc? Coz the ex and lijing are plenty much similar. Even just with their names. Hehehe

Of course lijing is not going to divulge any further. I have always had this nagging thought everytime when I talk to KK, to ask him whether he still likes lijing. But I never messaged him beyond our gatherings, and never had a chance to personally ask him that face to face, since we were always in a clique. 

During one of the gatherings, Erica forced him to divulge about his love interests. There was this korean girl, exchange school mate, etc. But what really is memorable for me, is the 3rd or 4th person whom he avoided mentioning, sounded like lijing's traits. Now that I think of it, that gathering happened early in the year (before CNY), which possibly meant Erica might already know of lijing's feelings of him, and were just testing water. [oh and I really hate Erica's and lijing's push pull dating methods. Too much of testing whether the guy likes you, and so little 感情 and 冲动 in it. 苦了自己，苦了大家]

At this rate they are going, will KK ever get lijing? None of them are going to take the first move. Do you think if I should open up the topic and force it upon them? I am on KK's side on this. Definitely will respect his decision.

 But if it had been forced upon, they will never be happy and the friendship will be broken. Which means it is a really tough choice... 

Back to the starting point. It's best to follow with the flow of nature and fate. Let's just see how it goes, and wish them the best of luck in whatever the decision!~ 

Gut feel

Its the year of the chicken (rooster)! Today is the 4th day of the new lunar year!~ 

Nowadays my gut feeling quite strong and zhun. It scares me sometimes. Like 初二 when I was playing mahjong, i had a passing thought that I will get a 一条， but I dismissed it and threw away my 二条. And lo and behold, the next turn I got a 一条. Otherwise I could have won that round. 

My gut tells me to play more mahjong, so I have been asking people to play mahjong with me, but they have been rejecting me 0.o And based on 初二 mahjong with the cousins, my luck was not too bad since I hardly manage to game in the past. I only lost like $1.20, very willingly to Yida. But that last round I could have almost won, with 半色 and 满台. Ohwells it wasn't all too bad. 

I still wanna play more though! 

At this rate of my gut feel working its magic, I hope that feeling comes back again when I meet my Mr Right. Then only I know that he is right. And then I can work towards it. For now, I am pretty sure that Mr Right has not appeared. I sincerely hope it happens this year! With me being so tired of being single...

Anyone has intros? Or recommendations to how I can look for the one? Like Tinder or Paktor?! Will NDP work its magic again? Or the surewin situation will be to try all.

Dayum its going to be another hard year. For now lets just pray for 工作顺利， 身体健康， 有缘人再相见 ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ

2017 first thoughts

Its officially 2017! And if I dig up my last year's new year resolutions, I am pretty sure I haven't accomplished a single one! 

Acquaintances (aka FB friends and mutual friends) are doing good deeds, going far in their jobs, falling in love, getting married, travelling the world, BFFs... basically embracing their lives at their finest. Meanwhile, sourgrape me will identify myself the most with the lonely memes and #ForeverAlone club. 

Getting more and more pessimistic about life, that I no longer know what I need to continue life with. I need more purpose, and I want that purpose to be my better half, but then again to find my better half I need to get myself out of this fix first. And to get out of this fix I need time. And lots of re-learning to do. And a lot more encouragement and motivation. Which I can't seem to find around. So vicious cycle and back to a square one. 

Not wanting to be this sour, but I guess everyone's lives will spin at different speeds~ People come and go, but I don't seem to cherish them enough and many left me for good. Ohwell, to each their own and may everyone's dreams come true! 

(This is not a suicidal post; its just a rant-ful sourish post, from the no-purpose me)

Maybe I should quit social media, since that's where my source of sourness comes from hmmmm... 

Edit: I realised the only new year resolution I wrote last year was to stop being nagged at, and true enough I still get nagged XD

Placebo yo. Nothing changed. This is really bad. 

Friendships, moving backwards

I have a lot of friends; but time and time again I push them all away. Its just that I don't prioritise them first. Somehow I live for the memories, but I neglect the people in these memories. 

I never initiated anything, and if I do its actually for my own selfish reasons because I don't wanna be alone. One day retribution will definitely come when I can no longer find anyone around me... 

I need to stop being so self-centred. My friends all have a life and they do not revolve around me. I need to stop being so afraid of commitment. I can bury myself into work, but I can't manage to do the same for my friends. 

Both work and friendship requires time to nurture and maintain. But it just seems I can only manage with just 1 of the 2. Family is somewhat different because all I need to do is just be present. When it comes to friends, attendance is not enough. So much more thought and communication is needed. Appreciation is required as well, and I am a wooden block when it comes to this. 

Sudden realisation that I am in HK and I have no friends to buy anything for. Until my sis reminded me that I need to buy for Rachelle then i realised that I am very bad that I didn't get anything for anyone. I was like "I have no friends, only a bunch of forever hungry colleagues that I definitely need to bribe". And that's it. Another selfish motive. 

Now is it too late to turn back to get more goodies for my friends who I never know when I will meet... Sigh. Its really hard to manage time :(