Agents

Yet another friend turned insurance agent. Sorry but not sorry, its the point of time to break friends. HAHAHA. I'm doing it as subtlely as possible though. After all you had been such a good ex-colleague, who gave me a very temporary job during my uni life, and for being such a good mentor (and yes i thank you for giving me that 90% grade for my final internship evaluation). Without you perhaps I won't be at where I am (oh but without many of the people in my life I won't be where I am). So yeah. But considering all this, I am still not going to meet you to do insurance planning. 

My fear of them agents goes a long way back (not that long but when I was 18?).  Over all these years, and many similar experiences later, I have grown much wiser and cautious. At least I know what I want now, and I am definitely not the kind who lusts after wealth. I don't look towards major riches, nor do I wish for an extravagant lifestyle. My life wants and needs are actually real simple, because I don't have a particular interest to anything. Life's simple pleasures can be free or cheap right? ;) 

So when he said that "I see the way You are living a luxury lifestyle", I JITAO LAUGH. Friggin funny. So I told him I don't have a luxury lifestyle, and he told me he saw it from my facebook. And I'm like WTF and asking SY how is my life luxurious at all. Someone enlighten me about this rich life which I am living unconsciously. I would love to have these riches that "exist". 

And then SY was saying maybe the wakeboarding looked luxurious. LOL. Erm it's company subsidised, not a private yacht, and the last I checked, I was not holding an expensive drink or enjoying the sea breeze in my branded dress. Like HELLO? 

Joke of the morning. I am so glad that them friends turned insurance agents are just acquaintances, and not some really  close friend. And then again, I tend to keep some form of distance between friends who I know I will be seeing a lot, vs friends who I don't think I will see them a lot (or again for that matter). 

P.S: I love my interns :) The best source of joy and laughter; those carefree days where your biggest worry will be the  grad trip destination, or even simply their next meal of the day. Interns always teach me a lot of fun, making nonsense jokes, and ensuring my sanity. 

P.P.S: I don't understand how come interns love to squeeze beside me when there are loads of empty tables everywhere -_-# Hello if you haven't noticed, my table is the cosiest being about 1m wide, and there is still that occasional butt coming to squeeze in beside me... Just to disturb me. It's no wonder why I have to OT...

Life's random Lessons

Today was the first lesson for FR and I spent the whole day with Casper. Omg he really is gay. Until now I'm still amazed at how open he is about cute guys. And how he needs a man. Awwww. Too cool! 

Takes a lot of courage to be gay and be so open about it in sg. Really major salutes! And what's more he really is smart :O First class NTU and from RJ... Sometimes life just gives certain people an unfair advantage. But u win some and u lose some. So all in all still a fair game? 

He really broke all the stereotypes of smart people and gay people. Seriously WOW. But I do realise how people can never be satisfied with their own lives. There's always something to work on, something to look up to, something to be envious about... 

Life will never be perfect. Just suck thumb and live with it right? Easier said than done. Possibly the reason why he is like that now, maybe because he wants to be like the popular guys, and also to make the popular guys be attracted to him. (I am referring to how he really takes care of his image) This is just my inference and it may not be totally true. 

Right now I am so happy just being me. The slow-poke. The over-achiever. The quiet. The unsociable. Bad points but in totally good ways ;)

I really love how making new friends can let me see the world, teach me so much more, making me learn and grow. Courage and acceptance; it's what I learnt from Casper today. 

我的少女时代

Movie was damn goood! :') 

Sob sob

有情人终成眷属

Lovelines and definitely is for all the girls :)  But sadly i'm not that brave and reckless to do all sorts of things which 林真心 did. Thats why my school life was soooo MEH. 

女性化的男子

我， 是个害羞，不善于表达，有所保留的女子。

我的朋友， 懂得利用不同的方式表达自己，敢爱敢恨，从不太在意身边的人是怎么想。

想的时候，会说他想。爱的时候，也会说他爱。

我呢，就好像属于另一个地球，就连最基本的 爱 或 恨， 也一知半解。喜好是什么？恨，不就是一件很累的事？

没悲 但有欢， 没压力 但有烦恼，不怒 也不哀。听起来，我还是人吗？？？

123 木头人。那我还真的是个木头人。

幸好，我朋友都知 那不懂得表达的我。有时，他们也拼了老命想要我表达爱，可我的回复总是 *翻白眼*、假装不知。

最近认识的男性朋友，都比我还像个女生 :S 他们真的好会表达自己！香水的喜好！心形在网上交谈时也不断的出现了！无话不谈！男扮女装也OK！爱注意可爱或超帅的男生！而他们都是工作的伙伴啊！太神奇了吧！佩服佩服

oh这是我最近认识的三个男生，他们最经典、影响最深刻的特点！哈哈！

The random ppl u meet during lessons

Coz of SQP, i met this guy from my co who is damn freaking funny. Started of our OC with him exclaiming that we are in the same class without Alex (the annoying british) , and me telling him that I saw his face in Newsletter. 

Then I asked him what will he wear for Talentime. I was expecting some funny clown outfit, but he told me he was going to cross dress. FRIGGIN CROSS DRESSING. A GUY. But sadly he kept saying that it wasn't appropriate for a company event HAHAHAHA. Then we were imagining all the funny scenarios of him being in a dress. Cross dressing is really a super good idea anyway! I hope it will work out. 

Anyways after all that cross dressing talk he started discussing about hot guys from the namelist which the HR sent. So we ended up searching for the names on staff directory, and I was like hey so-and-so was from my SQP class! I swear he is sucha funny dude. And he might be the first gay friend I have HAHAHHAHAA. Looking forward to meeting him for lessons and see how he will fanboy over the classmates HAHA!  

Such interesting friends I get to have!! Hoho networking sometimes isn't that bad after all! Too many interesting people with interesting stories or interesting relationships!!

How to get into a relationship

http://elitedaily.com/dating/getting-relationship-you-want/1218844/

Wow look at number 1 on the list! +_+

Find an interest... I hardly have any 0.o

Sooo whats my interest? Hmmmmmmm Gaming? Music? Videos? 

GAHHHHH. I don't have much time to game diligently everyday. I listen to all sorts of music (though nowadays more towards mandopop), and not much of a particular preference. I don't really chase idols in extremities, and neither do I watch all sorts of dramas. Well I literally lead a boring life. 

Nothing really interests me that much until I am hooked beyond hope. So I have no hobbies, no interests, no life, and no boyfriend. How apt. 

Judged

I am forever wary of getting judged, but I apply this in such a bad way. I am afraid of being judged by random passers-by. But I go all crazy and get judged the most by people who actually know me. That doesn't sound good. 

So I am afraid to sing in public. Or imitate accents in public. But I will do all these when I am alone. Talk about being a good sport. So I end up kindly rejecting all those crazy things that my friends want to do and I am not following. I totally have no idea how this brain of mine works. Seriously why should I care so much about what people I don't know think; and then don't even care about what all those people I know are thinking about me? 太自卑了吧

Forever doing the wrong things. Lack of care in things which I should be caring about. And caring so much about all the small matters which noone can be bothered about. At this rate which I play with fire, nothing good is going to come out of it. I need to start getting some extinguishers in case anything bad happens. Luck can only bring me this far. If my lady luck stopped shining, how far will I fall? Will I even be able to pick myself up by then? The day lady luck stops shining, I highly doubt I will have a lot of people around to support me. Because in a way, I deserved it. I take everyone for granted, almost to the extent of using them. But I really don't mean it. 

I never was a expressive person. So very bad at expressing gratitude and love. Words are fine. But any act of it or spoken words, I somehow can never bring myself to do it. Deep down in my heart, I really appreciate everyone and all their intentions. But me being me, I would never show it. Like how I sometimes accidentally end up trampling on a friend, making them angry, when all I wanted was to break the ice and make them feel loved. Or if I do take the interest, I end up going overboard and leave them feeling breathless and constricted. Somehow there never was an "in between" range for all that I do. Self-centred, self-absorbed, careless, tactless. 

It takes a lot of effort for someone to make me warm up to. And it only takes a fraction of a second for things to go back to when it started. Strangers. All over again. Though I prefer to call them acquaintances whom I know only at a certain point of time, but the fact is all too clear; they are now strangers. Strangers whom I happen to know exactly what they are doing, how their life is going, who they see and meet. It's called social media - Facebook and Instagram. 

I still don't initiate the "Let's meet up soon!" As usual, I still wait for someone to ask me to go out. Apparently this very much shows how much they value me as a friend, and how little I actually think of them. Yes I do miss them, like how I miss my NDP peeps, but I still am not the one who makes impromptu decisions and suggest for meetups. Very much unpopular, as I know my 人缘 is just terrible. When I suggest meetups, plans will never happen, last minute withdrawals will be aplenty, and therefore no meetup ever happens. Very much true for all those bigass groups of friends.  Kinda gave up on this. Hates to coordinate. 

I have new friends now. I am going to try really really hard to make sure I don't go overboard. After all, I am a lonely soul. Lack of social interaction skills. When I am high, I go all crazy like some madwoman, which totally turns everyone off. But then if I am not high, I would be that quiet, unapproachable girl. Not friendly, and will end up saying the wrong things. Again. Of course it doesn't help that I am always nosy and stalker-ish... 

Where is self-control? What are feelings? Everyone should only be Joy right? Sadness shouldn't even exist. 人不都应该走一步算一步， 得过且过吧？

但事实永远不是如此。

I really have sucha screwed character.