The end of 2014

Yesterday was the end of 2014, and now we embrace the start of 2015. Last year has been a good year; I have learnt a lot of things and accomplished so many things. 

2014: I "slept" my way to first class honours, found a job and gained new responsibilities, took on jobs which I hardly have any background in, made new friends online and from my workplace, met up with old friends whom I haven't seen in years, learnt to be less fearful and more vocal to get what I want, first time going to pubs and Zouk, first time trying so many sorts of alcohol... 

I had also learnt from the mistakes of others: online relationships never last. So MTV catfish is true. Love relationships can hardly happen online. These online relationships just lack that real human touch. Even though the initial stages were so sweet, so lovely, but it all eventually wears off. After all, you don't know each other that well, having just met their avatar. 

Love relationships might not last, but friendships will. I'm glad to have found a friend in the youngsters online, they all taught me so many things I will never have learnt in my offline world. Yes, sometimes they just have so many flaws which hides their merits, but their innocence and their good will really outshine everything else. I learnt from them how to communicate, how to love, how to get over a heartbreak, how to be brave. Somehow these are things my real friends don't share with me, so I am glad to have met them. 

I have discovered a lot more of myself this year. I found back my love to disturb people which i thought was lost forever after I graduated from Sec 4. I realised how kaypo I am about everything and anything, and how much I just love listening to stories and gossip. I learnt to stop overthinking about the thousand and one possibilities which never will happen. I started to treat guys like normal friends; and not someone whom I will be potentially interested in. (My brain is so screwed, and its because of those overthinking) I also know I love to show-off, but now i won't feel like it was done at the expense of others. I enjoyed busying myself with friends and studies, even if it meant getting lesser sleep on a weekday. I now know that if you don't voice your opinion, you will never get what you want. And if you don't make the first step, noone else might. 

Thank you 2014 for being so nice and meaningful to me. I hope 2015 will be even better, with more new experiences, luck and Mr Right to come along :) 

Middleman

YAH HAI I'M BACK TO THE JOB I DO BEST. BEING A MIDDLEMAN. BETWEEN A BOY AND A GIRL. N THIS IS WHAT U CALL BEING RIGHT SMACK IN THE MIDDLE OF A RELATIONSHIP 😂

Kaiseng and kuam. Aka KAIKUAM. My online friends turned real life friends. My crazy friends. And i am positive they like each other. And both are my good friends. And so i am standing in the middle, yet again. HAHAHAHA. 

I love being a middleman. I love being a lightbulb. I like being surrounded by people in love, since i don't get the love myself. But i have the most bestest awesomest love from all my girlfriends 🌹 I know these girls will never betray me 😘

Ok back to kaikuam. Kuam feels sad if kai doesnt pei her. But kai doesnt want a relationship. Life is complicated. N now i shall bridge between what has not been communicated across 😂 And to find out if theres a way around kai's heart to make him accept kuam. N then all's well ends well. 

I think i love to kaypo a little bit too much HAHAHAHA. Oh well, always put what u do best to good use rite? 😏

Thanks everyone

Here's a flower 🌹 for everyone in my life. Thanks everyone, whether i know u or u know me, for coming into my life. Thanks for the endless entertainment and laughter. #feelingloved #istillhavenoboyfriend #butlifeisstillgood #loveyall 😍 

AND YEAH I'M BACK TO SAY HOW WONDERFUL LOVE AND LIFE IS HAHAHAHAHA. I LIVE OFF THE EMOTIONS OF OTHERS. I GO THROUGH THEIR ROLLERCOASTER EMOTIONS EVEN IF IT DOESNT AFFECT ME. MYGAWD I CANT EVEN TELL IF THIS IS A GIFTED TALENT A NOT 😂

but i am still the insensitive blurr soul sometimes. Who does certain wrong things like agitating ppl and rubbing salt to the wound etc. But at the end of the day, it will all be for the better (hopefully)😘 

I LOVE YOU ALL U CRAZY PEOPLE WHOM I KNOW! 😍😘

My last weekend holiday-ing

So my last weekend of holidays is approaching soon... Coz i'm starting work on Monday! Egg-cited but somehow sad that this marks the end of my holidays... Which is also the last ever holiday I will have in my life T_T

I hope I can adapt well to the environment, stay in a job for that long without losing interest. Seriously idk when I will ever lose interest in anything... Although I know I definitely can persevere through anything, but I have never worked for a period of more than 9 months and I get bored really easily... :/ 

At least 1 thing I know for sure is that my colleagues are nice and friendly. I guess this would make up for any inadequacies in the job~ 

I am just lucky to even get the job and its all thanks to Sook Yee 😍 HEAPS OF THANK YOU TO MY EX-COLLEAGUE FOR LOVING ME SO MUCH AS AN INTERN. N for putting in all the good words such that I became hired. I can't be anymore grateful to have found such a good and attractive job~ 

The bad thing about a job: I can't play Dance Up as much anymore T-T 

I will miss my one and only love Kuam a lot... As well as all my lovely lil guildies Kris, Fel, Jia, all of them. I will miss bullying Rey kor and Uncle Adam! My position as team matters have really made me so close with the members~ Le sigh why are good memories often so short... 

But seriously at age 22 why am I still taking an online game so seriously? Oh well there are age 23 ppl in there, n Rey is 1 such person who is embarrassed to admit he's playing the game in real life 🙊 HAHAHA the interesting things about life 😏 

Don't let me get started on how there's a reason behind everything... An alarming trend which I have spotted in the game. People in there are plagued with troubles. There are so many issues in real life that they can't handle. Backstabbing, betrayal, bullying, the oh-so-common heartbreak, the broken family, etc. The list is endless. And these are the people who enter the game to be lost in virtual reality. To find a new replacement for someone they lost. To make friends who seem to never let them down. 

And there's people like me and Kuam, who wishes there is peace in the humankind. Who tries to dissuade people from getting into a fight. Who tries to let them see its meaningless to go to war with someone you don't actually know. Yes the reality out there is cruel, but you don't need to start bringing your gangs online right. 

That's why game developers always earn so much. Precisely coz of the ppl who tries to find themself through the game, splurging on virtual items, relationships, and social interactions. 

And this does make me feel like becoming a counsellor so I can help those problem teens... A virtual counsellor does sound like a good thing in all games uh. ^^

Split personality

Hanging out with all the younger ones have literally made me their age 😂

My sarcasm and suan-ing skills have improved by leaps and bounds, be it for NDP or in Dance Up. Idk why but i have very suddenly let go of a lot of things that once mattered a lot to me. 

I no longer feel awkward to talk about or even suan others about certain stuff ie relationships. Perhaps the major factor that made me put down this burden is coz of my sis. 

I feel like i am back in sec 4, with the juniors calling ahma. Those were the days i really connected on a different level. I'm feeling it again now during NDP, where i am usually the oldest. And when playing dance up too, coz that game is totally plagued with xmm and xdd of all varying ages and backgrounds... 

Conclusion: i don't belong to the 22 age group, and i might be a gemini since i have 2 faces 😂 Hyper crazy blurr sotong versus serious strict naggy overachiever

3 is a good number

3 is the number for a third wheel

3 is the starting number for a group

3 is also the awesome 3rd year i have been volunteering as usher for NDP!

Woots!~ in a sense 3 does describe me this year 😂 

I love my NDP group! Its the best group i have ever had in my 3 years! Or perhaps i have a slightly more different and crazier attitude coz i have let go of a lot of things (aka stereotypes). Well i'm a carefree biatch now! (Y) 

Complain Club 2, although most of you are younger than me, but all of your attitudes are really the top notch and i'm looking forward to learning more from all of you! Lookin forward to Saturdays now!

The before and after duty shot~ that i couldn't manage to upload on insta coz of cropping issues and my short term memory (still struggling real hard to remember everyone's names...)

Another article that is ME!

http://www.elephantjournal.com/2014/03/how-to-love-a-girl-who-doesnt-know-how-to-be-loved/

ALL OF THOSE POINTS INSIDE THIS ARTICLE ARE JUST WHAT I AM. But when will Mr Patient and Understanding come along? 

Over practical

http://www.humanmetrics.com/personality/intj

So i did this personality test n this is the result i got: introverted, intuitive, thinking, judging

Definitely introverted 😁 this is for all to see. Hahaha. I am mainly introverted and sometimes, only during special occasions, i am extroverted. N special occasions meaning certain events or whatnot. Then again all i do in the moments of extrovertness is to be hyper and talk nonsense. I dun think this hardly counts... 

"Personal relationships, particularly romantic ones, can be the INTJ's Achilles heel. While they are capable of caring deeply for others (usually a select few), and are willing to spend a great deal of time and effort on a relationship, the knowledge and self-confidence that make them so successful in other areas can suddenly abandon or mislead them in interpersonal situations.

This happens in part because many INTJs do not readily grasp the social rituals; for instance, they tend to have little patience and less understanding of such things as small talk and flirtation (which most types consider half the fun of a relationship). To complicate matters, INTJs are usually extremely private people, and can often be naturally impassive as well, which makes them easy to misread and misunderstand. Perhaps the most fundamental problem, however, is that INTJs really want people to make sense. :-) This sometimes results in a peculiar naivete', paralleling that of many Fs -- only instead of expecting inexhaustible affection and empathy from a romantic relationship, the INTJ will expect inexhaustible reasonability and directness."

N 1 very right thing about this test is the reason why i can't find a bf. I can't do small talk and i can't flirt! (I am quite patient though) Head over heart everytime; practicality outweighs everything. I sometimes dun get why some stuff can't be more straightforward. Impassive and private. Definitely me. Yeah n i do love to make sense of things. And so i have wonderfully managed to analyse people based on their star signs~ Well i only know gemini, leo, virgo the best coz majority of my friends n family belong here 😂

"Probably the strongest INTJ assets in the interpersonal area are their intuitive abilities and their willingness to "work at" a relationship. Although as Ts they do not always have the kind of natural empathy that many Fs do, the Intuitive function can often act as a good substitute by synthesizing the probable meanings behind such things as tone of voice, turn of phrase, and facial expression. This ability can then be honed and directed by consistent, repeated efforts to understand and support those they care about, and those relationships which ultimately do become established with an INTJ tend to be characterized by their robustness, stability, and good communications."

This paragraph is about how my brain actually deciphers information about body language and words. A very long process, all governed by the head n not the heart. Seems tedious, no? I sometimes blame the lack of female hormones, but it might actually be in my character after all. 

Overthinker

http://thoughtcatalog.com/brianna-wiest/2014/03/18-struggles-only-over-thinkers-will-understand/

So many of this applies to me 😱😱😱

So i am an overthinker n a little too paranoid sometimes...

美丽的巧合

Soooo during awc agm today, Gee randomly asked me about grad trips after exams. So i told her i'm going taiwan. N it so happens that she's going to taiwan with alvin and 3 other friends. N that group consists of 2 couples n 1 single guy. Such a coincidence huh! Their tour timings overlap ours 😱 and gee n alvin will be taking the same jetstar flight back with us. 

I still marvel at how such coincidences form. Why so qiao! 

Looking forward to going taiwan now! New friends and new experiences! Grad trips ftw!~ 

A Dream

So I dreamt a wonderful dream this morning. It was about these 2 random but super gentlemanly guys 😍 

Ok both of them aren't the most handsome or the most perfect, but in thos dream they were so gentlemanly that i'm totally in awe. N i didn't recognise their faces so its not someone i know... I only vaguely remember 1 of them has a pimply face while the other, better looking but i really dun rmb the face :x

The dream started off with me taking a different route on the way home from school. I happened to need to take an elevator to another bus stop. So these 2 guys were standing behind me in the crowded lift and they told me that they are going to open my backpack to return some things they owed me. I said ok and they started stuffing idk what stuff in, I couldn't turn back coz the lift was too crowded. N they both talked quite loudly and also talked to some other people in the lift that they knew. I was getting a little bit pissed coz how can random strangers stuff things into my bag?! 

After alighting the lift then they told me where did we meet before. I was like hmmm i think i rmb them being in this same lift when i went there after some camp. I then opened my bag and saw what they put in. It was some colourful toy i can't really rmb what it was. I was thinking that i lent them some tissue n they were nice enough to remember to return it after ages. (Not too sure coz its just my analogy) 

We 3 chatted a lot about random things and 1 of the guys was so funny making lots of jokes. Then we reached a long flight of stairs leading down to the bus stop and they said they will go first. So i slowly took the stairs, tripping here n there, being the typical accident prone me. They finally came up to where i was after seeing me trip so many times and asked me if i needed help. The pimply guy offered to piggyback me n so i climbed on with the help of his friend. At the bus stop, the 2 of them continued making jokes while waiting for the bus, and 1 guy pointed out that the side of the kerb will remind me of him, coz its his initial. I think i heard that he had an initial J. 

And then i woke up 😒 Sigh i never knew their name n i can't really rmb their face either... Who knows both of them might be my future bfs 😝

N i think i did dream of them a long time ago... At the same lift. The lift that is not the blk where i study at. N don't the long flight of stairs resemble that of ntu... Hmmmmmmm. 

Maybe my true love is from another course and is studying at ntu now 😂 if this dream was really a sign... 

Let it go

"Let it go, let it go,
Can't hold it back anymore
Let it go, let it go,
Turn my back and slam the door
Here i am, and here i'll stay
Let it go, let it go,
The cold never bothered me anyway!"

Best song ever of the year by Disney Animations. Totally addicted to this and the various editions in different languages are just as nice.

I guess many people are able to relate to this song thats why. It is important to let go of all the bad feelings, "to test the limits and breakthrough." Let go of any miserable past, and live a new life. Miserable pasts include bad relationships with people in general. (This is to my friends who have had an unhappy past and are still brooding over it)

"No right no wrong, no rules for me, i'm free~" Be free from the expectations of others. After all, the life is yours and you should be living it yourself, in the best way possible. But of course, never bring yourself down and break all the rules that can get you into trouble.

I think one important thing to let go is the impressions that you think that others have of you. You can't stop what others think, but definitely you must stop all the negative impressions you have of yourself. It's the very thing that can bring you down, the same way as how positive impressions bring you up.

And a note to myself: let go of your expectations. Stop creating those useless scenarios in your head, and start communicating properly. Don't let such things cloud your mind. Talk boldly, laugh loudly, live happily. Express your emotions, and let go of what people think of you. Smile and move on! Stop caring so much! It's time to be a little more reckless.

Music

I don't listen to the original version but i still like this cover. An unpopular kpop group N-Train that has now seemed to vanish off the entertainment industry. Their debut song was the best but all other followup tracks were too auto-tuned and just mehhhhh. Oh did i say I have always liked groups that don't exactly conform to the norm? 😁



Hybrefine "Starlight love"
Totally love this melody. Found out this song long ago but today suddenly felt like listening to it again. The one with lyrics sung by Sanchez is not as nice as this~ Simplicity is key, and this song has a really simple but addictive melody.

Bagua me is back

Bagua me is back again, this time with sad news. Seems like Fiona and Andy  broke up recently 😱 such a long time couple of 4 years... What's even more sad was that during Fiona's 21st recently in December they looked so lovey dovey. Just recently before i went korea i saw andy chai in sch waiting for fiona. N now its 2014 n their fb profile pics no longer have each other... I only knew coz Andy posted some emo stuff about losing his temper and all... 

Wah they were one of the closest couples sia! So sad for them. 

This is just a speculation based on my social media research. If only i was as good as this at my schoolwork...

Seriously i need to do sth about my name on this blog or i will be searched on google... Time to lock everything especially when i am applying for work! 

On a side note, i wonder if i can find any of those guys i met at the job fair briefing on fb... 😏 hehe 1 of them really my perfect ideal type in terms of looks! But then again we hardly talk so lalala. The other guy who said interesting pen that guy is ideal type for character wise HAHAHA. Hua chi seriously 0.0 when i can hardly remember anyone's (especially guys) faces at all zzz... Do i really need to resort to infatuation then i can remember faces better?