A single INTJ

Saw this article on thought catalog, "why you're single based on the Myers-Briggs personality test". I am an INTJ who follows her head more than her heart, who loves to over-analyse every person she meets, keeps to herself so much and doesn't wear her heart on her sleeve. This is me. And here's why I am still single. 

I find this so damn funny but so true at the same time. I swear if there is such a guy out there who perseveres so much to break down my iron wall, who really chases me till the end of the world, I think  I will really end up with him. HAHAHA. But then it's soooo not easy for a guy to even start following me around. Coz if I find you an eyesore and not worth my time, sorry but you will end up being at the bottom-most of my list. 

I think I have a list of traits in the kind of guys I abhor. And I think this list practically applies to all the guys... This doesn't spell very well huh. HAHAHAHAHA. 

The elites gathering a few weeks back have made me realise the type of people i dislike. And no I have never been one to try to hide what I need to say, nor will I attempt to phrase it so nicely in a non-hurtful way. But no worries if it's just a one-off kinda thing, then no grudges are formed. 

Elites gathering, a lot of guys. And i dislike people who are 不自动. I literally screamed at the guys "前面的， 空手哦。不会帮忙一下啊！”  I swear I am really so fierce. HAHAHAHA. I DON'T EVEN KNOW THEM LIKE VERY VERY WELL. But it's true what the few stragglers behind all got so many things to take. Then you strong guys totally empty handed for bbq. WHAT IS THIS. Sorry la this 大姐 is so naggy and troublesome. 

Then the bbq. I am glad that Joseph at least help me set up the fire. Then I watched and learn a little, so I managed to set up my own fire as well. I already had the mental preparation that everyone confirm don't know anything one la. So it's fine. Kids mah what to do. Then Jos left to paktor and I was left alone watching the fire. But nevermind I kindly ensured you guys were kind of fed. And you all ate up the food I cooked. Thanks for supporting even though almost everything was either chaoda or undercooked. HAHAHAHA. 

But wah seriously I cannot tank Kenneth's attitude. Don't know how do nevermind. Don't even bother learning. Or trying to lessen my burden. Never even try to cook, still keep on pestering me whether is the food done. Seriously treat me like a maid har. But ohwells everyone has their purpose in life and his is to bond people together. 0.o Already know he is a spoilt brat so nevermind. 

But Laffy really cute la. He keep on saying sorry to me. And telling me 辛苦你了。And then thanking me, and saying 如果沒有你我們都不知道要做什麼。So funny lor. HAHAHAA. He really like a small kid sia. 

And hey guys even if you all really didn't do anything much, I am glad you all at least showed your appreciation. I didn't mean to be fierce la. But next time don't expect all the girls to know what to do hor. I am exception. I know how to do so many things by myself. Why oh why did my dad train me to be so independent... So independent that I don't even have a chance to try to rely on a man. SO TERRIBLE. 

Yah other than 不自動 guys, I hate NATO guys. No action talk only. LIKE JUSTIN. Seriously these kinda guys drive me up the wall from their endless chattering of no importance. Then giving mouth power never even offer to help at all. Reminds me of the poly class chalet. If you are not going to help, then please at least acknowledge me and my efforts. 

So tell me, doesn't this 2 major traits of people I dislike, already make up almost all the single guys I know. HAISH. What is this world becoming. When is my chivalrous and manly man coming. HAHAHAHA. But then again I am a contradicting person. I don't have anything to talk to the matured guys. 

I still don't wanna grow up and am a very blurr sotong in so many ways. Can I just get a guy who will protect me and accompany me? But I think this is really hard. Coz I have a slight gut feeling that my boyfriend is going to be someone who is younger than me by 2 years... So I guess it's going to be back to me protecting him. 

SIGH WHY AM I JUST NOT BORN LATER. 

Self esteem

So kuam told me about xuanny's character. Like how she was unwilling to go henderson wave with jos coz she is lazy. And how she is not willing to sing in front of Jos. But a good relationship should be about fun and putting down all qualms isn't it? 

I was once like that. I minded about what others thought of me. Not as extreme, but I had all those screwed perceptions that I should always upkeep a good image. To not show others my weaker side. Perhaps it might be the after-effect of being bullied. You start being very conscious of others, trying not to do things which will invite people to bully you. And behind that seemingly strong front is a person with low self-esteem, who really takes it to heart what others think. 

I remember when I was in P4, my friends told me off for singing the national anthem too loudly, and that my singing was horrible. Thereafter I didn't dare to sing the anthem and only mouthing the lyrics. Only until many months later, then I started to whisper the lyrics instead. 

I was bullied, but it wasn't the worse bully case in my primary school. I know of my primary school friends who got called really nasty names, and was truly discriminated by the whole class and even the teacher. They didn't dare to tell their parents. When I was in P2, the bullies scribbled on my homework. I told my parents a few days later and they wrote a letter to my form teacher. Those bullies got reprimanded by my teacher and then by my principal. They came crying and begging for my forgiveness during recess time, and the blurr me did not even know what forgive meant. 

Imagine if I did not have such supportive parents. Perhaps I would be bullied forever, keeping quiet and letting the hurt accumulate. Maybe I will be even more restrained and shy, to the extent of being anti-social. But I learnt how not to get bullied; it's actually really simple. Just ignore, be non-chalant about it, and then the teasing will stop eventually. It always works. Perhaps too effectively that I never get teased that badly and maybe because I look too fierce and it's not fun anymore. 

I think many girls lack self-esteem a lot. I don't understand why they like to compare looks and bodies. I am pretty happy with mine. Can be improved, not the worst, but definitely not the best. I don't really care. If I cared that much I wouldn't still be sitting here HAHA. 

Confidence in yourself is actually important. A confident man always looks better, wiser, more attractive, regardless of the age. Perhaps that explains why some guys never get their girls; all because of the lack of confidence. Likewise, applies to girls I guess. 

Comparison kills self-esteem. When you start comparing, you get stuck in the rat race to outdo others. The real achievement should be when you outdo yourself, enjoying that process and learning from your experiences. 

People should never start dating just because all the friends are doing it. Never ever try to follow the crowd. Don't date for the sake of just wanting to fall in love; date with the outcome you desire in mind, the future which has 2. I don't know the details, but it sounds like xuanny is just dating jos for the sake of wanting to be in a relationship. That's why she never wants to face the music, face the problems and acknowledge their differences. Much less say working together to mitigate the differences, she just shoved everything under the rug and pretend all is fine. One day during spring cleaning you will find all sorts of nonsense under that rug, which is going to make you really ill and really painful, like a tumour. And you never know when the tumour will just explode and boom its not going to be a happy ending. 

A true couple shouldn't be so mindful about what each other thinks. Enjoying the process is important, thats why having fun is too. Doing things together and being crazy together. By showing your ugly side and if the partner does not attempt to run away, then he really is to stay. Thats why in the marriage vow, "for sickness and in good health", it is especially mentioned. Through thick and thin, long and short, your ideal partner should take responsibility and be with you. 

And that's why I do encourage Jos and Xuanny to break. Xuanny needs to reflect on herself. She needs to learn how to love herself, how to be confident of herself, before she can try to love others. Otherwise, she would just be suffocating her partner because she does not know what she really wants. And that again leads fo another unhappy relationship. 

As for jos, he had been so deprived, and having experienced hell, he is clear about what he wants. But the guts training area really needs to be improved coz he is too scared of the tantrums that she may throw if he suggests the break. (Yes this is where sweeping everything under the rug will come in). 

It is not impossible for xuanny to change. She needs close friends and family to pull her through this, to encourage her and help her increase her self-esteem. She needs to know that it is alright for her to do things, and that noone will judge her. But now, who can do it? The wall which she built up around her is hard to break. 

I am thankful to my friends and my family who pulled me out of the sub-consciousness of being afraid of what others think. My sister the trendsetter, openly being in a relationship with everyone's blessing, makes me realise that my parents are perhaps not that strict. My friends for opening me up way more than all my family did. I had a hell lot of restrictions which I imposed on myself in secondary school. Each and every friend in my various stages of life, slowly but surely chipped off that wall. Now I dare to voice my thoughts and my feelings. I dare to let people judge me. I dare to discuss about relationships. Thanks friends. <3 

Positiveness

http://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/20-reasons-why-some-people-are-always-happy.html?dgs=1

This article about how to be happy is going around in facebook. And yes be very surprised that I actually do most of the things stated in this article. So I am a happy person! 

Or at least happy and very much positive enough to spread it to my friends. I pretty much don't have many worries. I take my time to do everything and anything. I enjoy all the little things in life. I balance both friends and family, spending lots of time with everyone. I don't join in the rat race chasing after money, fame and status. I do take care of myself, knowing what I should eat or should avoid. 

So anywhere I go, I know I have myself to depend on. Knowing that I will not fail to take care of myself, I can now spend time taking of my heartbroken friends. HAHAHAHA. 

But I really don't know what's in me that i love to listen to stories so much. The more interesting dramas, the more fascinated I get by human nature. I really love to analyse all those thought processes behind each action. Especially those dramas which Kuam tells me. Almost every single day there is not a moment of peace. There are always interesting snippets of dramas of all the Elites people. Which is super damn funny I swear. Best. Entertainment. Ever. 

Rachelle told me she really needs to hang out with me more. Coz she needs some of my positive energy. But I am really super worried for her coz of her problems with Chris. Haishhh. She is so emo now but she does not want to show it in front of her family. And she is not telling me everything either. Sighhh. I'll see how. Need time to make her open up  :) 

Hi Kuam you are now happily paktor-ing, even though your relationship is just as wrought with lots of troubles. And well you are not my top priority of concern for now HAHAAHAHA. Coz I know you are handling it well now. I am just the listening ear offering extra advice. Until the day when more conflict and all the nonsense starts arising between u both, then tell me okies. AHAHA. 

Fishing is a lifelong lesson

Note to self, how to love: http://elitedaily.com/dating/12-ingredients-to-make-a-strong-impassioned-long-lasting-relationship/957820/

Not that I am in a relationship, or anywhere near being in a relationship. But really seeing those elites love stories, makes me swear I should never ever get myself stuck in that kind of predicament. 

I am going to learn how to cast nets and fish soon. But sometimes after I cast the net and then I get too lazy to reel them in. And then most of the fishes would have found their way out of the net. By the time i reel in the net, I would be left with nothing. For now I am still randomly practicing to cast the nets, at places so deserted that no fishes will swim in. I know that the bait isn't the best bait, so I am waiting for that 1 fish who is willing enough to pity me and grab the bait. HAHAHA. Like a bit sad, but what to do... 

(Yes this shall be left as a half abandoned post) 

How to tell whether a couple will last

Scrolling through facebook, how to tell whether a couple will last depends on how similar they look alike each other. HAHAHAHA. And with social media, those who tends to post like everyday all the time about their couple only, those cannot last. Because social media is a sham, people are just putting up what they think others want to see. Behind that 1 photo where a couple looks close might lie lack of trust, quarrels and fights, infidelity, overpossessiveness etc. 

And perhaps when you do not look alike your couple then you should rethink your decision of staying together HAHA. A relationship can never be maintained through electronic communication. It is of utmost important that an offline relationship be maintained to the best of all efforts. And social media actually destroys lives and relationships. It is because of the easy accessibility to electronic communication which makes it easy to stalk your friends and foes. That somehow results in the wearing thin of mutual trust and respect, which is the bane of all relationships. 

Infatuation only lasts for that super short period of time. Anything beyond infatuation then is the start of the real relationship. That real relationship will be fraught with troubles, fights and all sorts of tribulations. It will all depend on whether both people can overcome it all together; that is the deciding factor whether it will be a make or break relationship. 

Everyone has their own set of insecurities. Scared of losing your loved one, scared of being judged, scared of facing the world for who you actually are, scared of plunging into the unknown depths for fear that you will never be able to float again. Fear: the reason why one will not dare to take the step forward or backward. But once that fear has been overcomed and the past put behind you, you will realise that the fear you once had was really unwarranted for. But of course being totally fearless is not the way to go either. One needs to have that fear to know the difference between black and white, right or wrong. 

I would lament that being a third party and breaking someone's relationship is not an act of fearless. It's an act of selfishness. Wanting the person for your own, thinking only about your own feelings... That's not being fearless. Yes you had chased your dreams, you were not afraid of the rejection come what may be. But admit it, you involuntarily hurt the innocent people, just by being a third party. You deprived the person you like of the person he once cared for. You thought only of your own feelings, instigating the actual couple to break up, using their fights and differences as the reason. But all in all, the third party had been the mastermind. If the third party did not exist, will the actual couple have so many things to fight over? Will the actual couple have so many unresolved differences, which got even worse with the onslaught of the third party? And to the very person who brought the third party into the picture; if you had cared for your actual couple a little more. If you had paid more attention to your couple. If you had stopped your couple's extremities from having the chance to form. If you hadn't kept wanting to leave the relationship, then everything wouldn't have happened in the first place. 

Too little too late. But it is never too late to make the correct decision. I guess something still can be salvaged. Somehow. Unless you are really 100% convinced that a breakup is the best for the couple, then do it. If it really makes the couple happier without each other, do it. But otherwise, please do rethink the decision. All sorts of relationships need some form of maintenance. Effort and heart is really all you need. :')

Short day 😟

I mean that I was feeling short today 😟 

Because last few days I have been hanging out with short friends and then suddenly some tallies come in and I am height-threatened. HAHAHA. Lame lame I know. 

Past few days I have been disturbing lijing until super shiok. Suan and suan her non stop. FUN SIA. Jialats. I think my favourite joke is to make fun of people's heights 😞 One day karma will come... I better start restraining myself... But still... That's the only way I disturb ppl mah! 🙊

Hi peeps HAPPY VDAY! 22nd year (coz it's not September yet) without a date! HUAT AH! But what is valentine's day mannnn. Who cares!~ 

(Yes I sound like a sorrowful glum person without a date on such a lovely day. But vday is just a day for people to spend more 🌚) So Vday is just an event for businesses to profit. Ohwells spenders are happy and profiters are happy. So it's a good day still right? 

Valentine's day aside, the highlight of the month should be CHINESE NEW YEAR! Comeon all the mahjong daidee pineapple tarts and bakkwa! HUAT AHHHHHH! I am so auspicious this year i keep saying HUAT AH. Actually I can't wait for new year coz I get to wear all my new clothes. Hahahaha. Then I can have a new wardrobe change! I'm so bored of repeating the same clothes the last few months... 

I look forward to meeting Elites and Felkuamweiling! SOON SOON. Meetups are crazy fun with lots of laughter! Not bad at all right. For a bunch of friends who met online. And Felise, Kuam and Kenneth's birthdays are all in February. 

New realisation of the month: I have been hanging out with a lot of Pisces (near pisces also counted) for the whole February. Yes Pisces are crazy people who can manage to talk to anyone. So technically there will never be a moment of peace with Pisces around... And I treat every single one of them differently. Talk about fairness 😂 But their love stories are all so similar I can't help but laugh. 

Random out of topic craziness HAHA. 

PS My english is just going from bad to worse. The amount of hokkien and singlish which I am starting to use are totally astonishing. NEED. TO. CUT. DOWN. ON. SINGLISH. Or my report writings and drafting of emails will definitely suffer. Already trying so hard not to be influenced by all the F words and hokkien vulgarities seen in Elites 🙈

I just adapt too quickly to my surroundings HAHAHA. 

The end of 2014

Yesterday was the end of 2014, and now we embrace the start of 2015. Last year has been a good year; I have learnt a lot of things and accomplished so many things. 

2014: I "slept" my way to first class honours, found a job and gained new responsibilities, took on jobs which I hardly have any background in, made new friends online and from my workplace, met up with old friends whom I haven't seen in years, learnt to be less fearful and more vocal to get what I want, first time going to pubs and Zouk, first time trying so many sorts of alcohol... 

I had also learnt from the mistakes of others: online relationships never last. So MTV catfish is true. Love relationships can hardly happen online. These online relationships just lack that real human touch. Even though the initial stages were so sweet, so lovely, but it all eventually wears off. After all, you don't know each other that well, having just met their avatar. 

Love relationships might not last, but friendships will. I'm glad to have found a friend in the youngsters online, they all taught me so many things I will never have learnt in my offline world. Yes, sometimes they just have so many flaws which hides their merits, but their innocence and their good will really outshine everything else. I learnt from them how to communicate, how to love, how to get over a heartbreak, how to be brave. Somehow these are things my real friends don't share with me, so I am glad to have met them. 

I have discovered a lot more of myself this year. I found back my love to disturb people which i thought was lost forever after I graduated from Sec 4. I realised how kaypo I am about everything and anything, and how much I just love listening to stories and gossip. I learnt to stop overthinking about the thousand and one possibilities which never will happen. I started to treat guys like normal friends; and not someone whom I will be potentially interested in. (My brain is so screwed, and its because of those overthinking) I also know I love to show-off, but now i won't feel like it was done at the expense of others. I enjoyed busying myself with friends and studies, even if it meant getting lesser sleep on a weekday. I now know that if you don't voice your opinion, you will never get what you want. And if you don't make the first step, noone else might. 

Thank you 2014 for being so nice and meaningful to me. I hope 2015 will be even better, with more new experiences, luck and Mr Right to come along :)